Memorial Mass

Even with the large bundle of balloons floating randomly around our room in the air-conditioned breeze, we all slept well that night and awoke ready for breakfast with the in-hotel family. Of course, baby M attracted a crowd, so we had to elbow our way through his admirers to get some giggle time for ourselves ;) My dad came out to join us after attempting to wake my brothers from a deep morning sleep-in. We decided that the baby and kids (who were awake) had time for a swim. It was HOT in that pool area! I'm told the water temperatures did not match the environmental ones, but none of the boys seemed to mind. They happily splashed while we on shore sweated. The girls decided to head up to the room with me, so they could start their showers ahead of the rush. Our boys missed the memo and followed quickly after--only to stand cold and dripping in the hotel room as our single shower found itself in constant use.

Before long, we donned all our spiffy clothes and headed for our car . . . the weather was beautiful! My other grandma passed away in the springtime, and I just think that is the kindest time for God to call someone home. There is so much hope and warmth and sunshine in the spring. There are flowers blooming to beautify every sight a sad eye sees. It is an uplifting time humming with life, and in my experience spring mixes the joy of remembrance with the hope of reunion. Of course the sadness remains, but the brightness of the world around takes some of the sting out of the sorrow.

And then there is the happiness of reconnecting with family that is so dispersed from one end of the country to the other. We met my cousin Jason, his wife, and two children in the parking area. We had just a few minutes to catch up, compare mileage, and introduce all the children to each other. Our children and their children would be third cousins? I'm not sure how the once and twice removed things work, so we'll stick with that :)

Moments later a virtual flood of family filled the foyer of the church! Goodness! Hugs and smiles and greetings lined up, one after the other. Little ones staring at unfamiliar knees and looking waaaaay up to spot a familiar face. I'll admit there were times when I felt the same--so many cousins I didn't know I had (from my grandparents' and mom's generations). As the first wave of greetings subsided, my mom started saying, "And that's your cousin and that's your cousin, and that's also your cousin, and that lady is your cousin." The cousin list seemed endless! One of the cousins was an older woman with bright red hair who looked astonishingly similar to my grandmother . . . she was grandma's niece, if I remember correctly, but it seemed so natural for grandma to be there with the family that it took me a second to sort this cousin sighting out.

By the time we reached the place where grandpa and Aunt Sue were seated in the entryway, it was time for the service to begin. We all found seats at the front of the church, and watched as mom and her sisters and brother gathered at the back with grandma's ashes and grandpa (who we had decided to greet later).

I will admit that, having not been raised in the Catholic church, there were a variety of things during the service that I didn't fully understand. However, having attended many masses with grandma and grandpa when we visited them, I was mostly able to keep up with the responses. The music was pleasant and frequent! I've never heard so many songs at a memorial service, but enjoyed them very much. Our kids recognized and were able to sing along to 10,000 Reasons. I think music makes memories last longer, so I'm glad they could connect a familiar song to grandma's farewell.

I liked that my cousin Stacy and my cousin Kevin read from Scripture as part of the service. It was very emotional to see Aunt Jan with her arm around grandpa's wheelchair crying with him into his shoulder. My cousin Josh helped his sister with the busy twins, one who wasn't feeling well. It was a formal, but comfortable service honoring grandma and her legacy of caring for others.

At the end of the mass, Stacy somehow managed to carry a giant bouquet of flowers--the centerpiece near the altar--all the way through the hallways to the gymnasium where we were to enjoy lunch together. Now, the heavy glass vase filled with water and a generous collection of flowers would have been challenge enough--but she made the transfer successfully in a very high pair of heels :)

When everyone had arrived and found a table, the Father said a blessing over our meal. And what a meal! I expected sandwiches and cake, which are fairly regular attendees of events such as funerals. Not in this family! Goodness, the tables heaped with beautiful Polish food . . . the gwupkes (my spelling), garlic knots, pierogis, colorful salad, macaroni and cheese (and not from a box :), lemon chicken and on and on . . . I took one look at Buck and said, "There's no way I'm skipping gluten today." He said, "Of course you're not! Your grandma wouldn't want you to."

Following the meal--a table equally laden with desserts: carrot cake, lemon layer cake, I'm sure there was a chocolate something, and cannoli stuffed with cream. Here's what I discovered--gluten is not making my joints ache. Gluten is good. Gluten is my friend. Gluten and I should never part again :) Gluten is back on the menu. Thanks, Grandma!







In one section of the gym, my mom and her siblings set up poster board displays covered in pictures from grandma's life. There were several I'd never seen before, showing different ages and stages in grandma's life. These gave way to pictures of her children, which led on to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren . . . that's a lot of pictures! There were also little notes that grandchildren made for her, one especially sweet one from Andy, who passed away several years ago.

I had a couple of opportunities to visit with grandpa--as you can imagine, he was quite the popular fellow at this event. I would have been overwhelmed with all the faces, some familiar, most changed with age, introductions and re-introductions of great-grandchildren. But, grandpa handled it all very well. He'd ask for a moment to collect his thoughts, and then he'd share memories and life lessons that came to mind. He strongly recalled us stopping to visit grandma and himself at their winter home in Arizona. "Buck came and we had his birthday cake!" Grandpa remembered. "I think that was in '88 . . . no," he laughed, "I was 88." :) He also told me how much he liked the biography that I was asked to write for grandma's memorial. He said it was so much information about a lifetime. I thanked him for letting me be part of writing grandma's story. I'm so glad he liked it!

The second time we visited, I brought the kids over to see grandpa as he was finishing his dessert (carrot cake; that must be where I get my fondness of this vegetable dessert). He greeted each of the kids and reiterated how much grandma loved her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I truly wish I could remember everything he said when his words turned to a sort of blessing over Buck, myself and our family. My brain was saying, "Remember this, remember this!" but it was such a special moment that I could only sit and absorb it. I'll have to ask the kids if they can recall any of his exact words, surely with six pairs of ears tuned in we caught something! I know he talked about us having good lives. Oh, to have had my old tape recorder from my newspaper days.

I do remember him saying before that, "Every one in our family is so different. And that is good to be different. You have to let everyone have their interests and be themselves . . . unless they start getting out of line and then you have to reign that in a little." :)

We knew that there were many more who wanted to talk to grandpa before they left for their homes, so we told him we'd see him back at Aunt Jan's house for the afternoon and evening time our family planned to spend together.

As we walked outdoors, Buck snapped this picture of my brother and son looking like they'd lost their car in the parking lot :) It cracks me up, those youngun's. I hope it didn't take them too long to find the car, because my mom's tiny little puppy, Winchester, was stowed in the back. He was too young for shots, so couldn't be boarded . . . but our hotel didn't allow pets. A conundrum for sure, so he was boarded in the kennel in the car. But don't you worry, he had LOTS of playtime and attention at the family gathering that filled the remainder of the day.